A Boomer Lifestyle Blog

Sunday, November 8, 2015

A conversation with my Daughter about choosing a path

My daughter and I went to the thrift store yesterday.  It was a rainy, gloomy afternoon and we just wanted to get out of the house.  

My oldest child in her Halloween costume.
Note the dog has on her costume too.

My wonderful daughter can't have children.  Her path was always to be a mother and teacher.  Precancerous cells and a husband that didn't support her educational needs, ended both.  So together we worry and fret over my Son's children.  

Yesterday while we were shopping I was discussing with her my job hunt and the fact I had received an interview call but prior to that I had promised to go to my son's house in the afternoon to meet Granddaughter #1 on the school bus so the Grandson could go to drama after school for the start of a new play.  

The Grandson has just gotten into drama this year although I saw it coming a long time ago and tried to get him into summer youth acting groups but he wouldn't go.  Coulda, woulda, shoulda.  

Anyway in order for him to go to after school activities someone has to personally meet the kindergartener Granddaughter after school.  So I told the Grandson I would do it twice next week for him.  Then...... the interview phone call came.  

I'm not conceited although I do think that I might be offered any job I try for.  I also think I will win every lottery I buy a ticket for and that there will be an upfront parking space just waiting for me when I'm running late.  I'm not sure what that is, but I've got it. 

Anyway, again, while the Daughter and I were strolling around the store  I asked her what she  thought about getting a job vs. helping with the grandkids.  She hem-hawed more than usual without giving me a direct answer except that I haven't been happy with the last couple of jobs but that if I really needed the money then that was a need and not a want and should be taken care of.  

I don't know if I solved it in my sleep or the fresh air and exercise from Buddy's morning walk helped me find the answer but here is what I came up with - and told my daughter to remind me if this issue came up again.  

This morning two things happened that helped me answer my question about going to work vs. helping with the kids.  
1.  My children and grandchildren are, and have mostly always been, my hobby and what I did for entertainment.  I would rather spend $15 on one of the grands than spend it at the movies, or a nice meal, or a nice NEW shirt.   
2.  Work has been my identity and source of accomplishment for many years.  When you retire it is hard to let go of that.  How many times do you run into someone or talk on the phone or internet and they ask you how is work going?  Usually the answer is "so busy."  So that is what keeps you busy in your mind and, if you are lucky, gives you pride in a job well done.  
3.  The money is going to run out sooner than later.  I'm spending it way to fast - thank you Social Security for cutting my benefits - and I will end up living in someone's bedroom.  Is that ok if it helps get Shaun into college?  Is it ok if it helps Kaylee get through this divorce?  Yes, definitely.  I realize that it may not solve Shaun's lack of dedication to school work, but without trying, I'll never know if it helps, and is, therefore, the greatest job I've ever had.   
So next time I am wondering which path I should take, remind me of these things.  If, at that time, a different road is the right one, hopefully I will recognize that.  If not, better to err in giving to my family.  
Sorry this was so long.  I needed to write it to get it set in my mind.


  1. A dilemma for sure, but in your heart you know what is right for you. You just have to listen Or look for a job that will allow you to meet both needs (Like that is an easy thing to do!).

    1. I went and enjoyed myself. I know the little bit I did around the house helped my son. The little girls were a little confused and didn't know what they wanted to show me/tell me first.

  2. i agree with olga.
    you will know. and only YOU know what is right for you.
    i would never want to return to work again unless i absolutely had to. i am the opposite of you.
    all i ever wanted was TIME. there never seemed to be enough when i worked. and i would come home exhausted.
    now i have wonderful limitless time to do whatever i want. and i don't seem to have trouble filling it.
    your daughter is beautiful. she looks very young.
    my path denied me children also. but there have been many in my life. and they are just as fun and happy to have my love.
    this comment is getting wayyyy too long.
    i always thought if i had to ever go back to work that i would have my own little one person company
    i would call it 'the cleanup committee.' and i would clean offices. the company that cleaned our offices only had to empty waste baskets... run the cleaner on the carpet... and clean the bathrooms.
    i had no idea social security could CUT benefits!!!???? i paid into it for 27 years!!! i hope they don't cut mine. it's what i live on!
    that and my small retirement pension! YIKES! how can i find out if they're going to cut it? do they tell you in advance?
    sorry for the stupid questions... but it's a little scary to suddenly find that out now. i don't expect a raise. but to have them cut? wow.

    1. Social Security overpaid me and then wanted it back and there is nothing you can do but grin and bear it so they take a big pinch out of my check each month. The real problem is that I had figured exactly what I needed to live on each month. Paid off all of my bills and thought I was ready till they notified me about three months after I quit my job. Life and learn.

    2. i'm sorry but that is outrageous. you had nothing to do with the overpayment. you accepted it in good faith.
      they are supposed to know what they're doing. if you had somehow cheated them ... that would be different.
      yes. then you should pay it back in that case but ... that's NOT the case here.
      it was THEIR OWN MISTAKE.
      they should have to cough up the difference themselves and not harrass you for THEIR error.
      they should learn to be more careful in their calculations. it's people's LIVES they're so cavalier about!
      it just is awful.
      well. i've ranted on your behalf long enough i guess. but it just makes my blood boil.
      i admire you even more now. :) XO♥

  3. I am so sorry that SS screwed up and is now taking money out of your check each month. I have an idea for your daughter, if she is still wanting to be a teacher. With her income being cut drastically with the divorce, I would think that she would be eligible for all kinds of financial help to go back to college and get a teaching degree. There is a huge need for good teachers and it sounds like she would be wonderful at it and she would have a room full of "her kids" to love. As for your decision, I know you will make the right one for you.

    Be blessed!